Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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