I want to make a zoo with you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
