those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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