I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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