He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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