addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
