I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my poor anus
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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