yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
