I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
