My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
