He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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