I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
