Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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