Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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