I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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