You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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