Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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