the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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