so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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