So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
