I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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