I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
