Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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