My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
