If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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