those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
