my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
