hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
are you so shy because you have an std?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's never too late to be topless.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
