saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You made out with two different species that night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize