one might say we're banned from that church
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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