Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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