I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
