we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
