I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
