We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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