what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
