At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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