woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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