mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
