ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
