My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
