You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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