Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
