too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
