Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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