lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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