dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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