I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
