You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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