Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
