I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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