i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
