I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We talked him into tasing himself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
