if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
