Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
