You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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