I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
