If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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