Im at strip club and am horny
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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