I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
