so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
