I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
