Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
