What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
