I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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