I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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