No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
kristin has been a bad kristin
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
