I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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