You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
