Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
