just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
