are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
