I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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