You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
