she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
