If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
how does that bad decision feel?
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