i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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