I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
