another moral hangover. fuck.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
