Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize