worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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