"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
