He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
