There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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