Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
