girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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